he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
