you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
operation harelip BJ is a go
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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