Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
