end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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