Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
