I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
