I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Did I show you my penis last night?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
