Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
