Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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