We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
