Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
