She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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