who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
