Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
