Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize