I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
