so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's shark week go big or go home
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
