I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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