I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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