Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize