I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
