just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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