what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I love you.
Bad choice
we should paint friendship bongs
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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