guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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