This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
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I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
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Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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