I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
smell my finger.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize