and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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