Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
