When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
