just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
