I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize