My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
