I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
