Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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