Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You just made me feel so damn special
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
