my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
