you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
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I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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