I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
