party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
