I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
