So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
