I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
