you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize