idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
