I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
