I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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