I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
