she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
