Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
