can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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