But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
