I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
