guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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