Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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