Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
