Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
