sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
