I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
