I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
